tiring day...

went to do filming for my group project... really exhausting... encountered some problem along the way... like requiring black and white ie.documentation to do filming outside a prison... what the hell... couldn't sweet talk my way out of that predicament... but i didn't want to be too adamant... other than that... i guess i held myself together quite well condsidering that many of things we did weren't really on par with what i wanted and my normal high standards but i told myself that this isn't MY project... it is OUR project... the collective is more important... and i am quite satisfied with how i held out... some people held out on their own too and i am very happy for them although now i am getting a weird feeling that someone really isn't as capable as that person may seem... maybe it's just me... we'll see how it goes...
i am very tired... and i am thinking if i should go and the take the photographs for my my critical studies "postmodernism" project... right now... the bigger possibility is no... i just need to get down to doing proper work... me and my procastination... what the hell... school is really taking it's toll on me... don't get me wrong... i truly love what i am doing and i am truly blessed to be where i am right now... but maybe i just love it too much that i am not giving myself any time just for me... what time i have for me is luxury... how sad... i used to be so carefree... i wish i had a more capable soul alongside me in this journey... i love the people around me... but i do not want to lead all the time... right now i want to take the back seat but i don't think i will ever get there... it's quite frustrating but i do not know why i perservere... why do i even bother? i seriously do not know... i wish things were simpler... sometimes... i wish i had a normal life...