stop, go, pause...

it is strange... my works... such a predicament...
on one hand... i know what i like and what works for me... what my strengths are (i miss sculpture so much) and what my weaknesses are (more like the unaccustomed)...
on the other... i know that i have to try new things... new styles... new mediums... new whatever... thing is... when i do... it turns out like C-R-A-P! and i get all down by it... not that i don't try really hard... i do... but i can never seem to get the level of consistency of standard that i, maybe harshly, subject myself to... i will try so hard to rescue the work so that i will not hate it... and before i know it... it's overkill... in all the bad sense of it... and i won't like the spirit of the work for trying too hard and it becomes pretentious... simply put... it's not me...
it is so hard to stay true to my motions when the burden of having to conform to guidelines and the constraint of time... and the fact that i have no personal working space deviod of distractions does not help at all... it sad i tell you... the state of my works now... i see them and i sigh... knowing that i can do mush better... sad to see them in an unfinished state by my standards... last truly finished work that i can say in all honesty was my 'a' level project which i turn to every now and then to tell myself that i can do it... i know it is never good to rest on past laurels and i should be moving on and breaking new grounds but i cannot help but reminisce... it was a good time then... no real datelines... i was very free to explore what i wanted to and at my own time... but i had the satisfaction of seeing the works being truly finished... and letting it rest...
now... my works are left hanging... wish it didn't have to be this way... wish i just be doing my own thing... how utopian... but how i wish it was a reality...

WARNING!!! NOT FOR THE QUEASY...

MUTTON! YUMMM!!!


INNARDS!

LIVE in my head!

right... would it be so hard to believe that i have nothing much going on in my head right now... well... other than "i'm wondering what the bloody hell happened to my tag-board", it's quite empty at the moment... which is strange and becoming increasingly frequent... another stagnant phase in my life? hmmm... entah lah pulak eh... <--- MALAY ALERT! MALAY ALERT! i'm trying to figure out why i have these empty moments... i know some people would go like,"really? kamal? nothing going on in his head?"... but it is true people... funny how when i was younger i had so much stuff going on in my head... and i couldn't wait to be "free" of them... and now... i'm going... "what the..."
ah shucks... i am rambling...
ok ok... lemme think...
all right...
i think lay's stax potato chip bbq flavour is the new in-thing for me...
i had too much meat for the past 3 days... there was an absolutely indecent amount of mutton at my house... now they have been distirbuted... i was thinking... would it be so crazy if i had a bite of the raw meat? and i find it disturbingly cool that the sheep was alive only a matter of few hours earlier... and now it is in huge chunks on the table... yeah...
lunchtime on mondays at school is becoming increasingly interesting... why? because we are going places... thanks to KKL's car... the skyline poser... but KKL... if you are reading this... i appreciate the fact that you don't mind driving us around during lunch ok... which brings up a recent trend in school... as in the people i'm chilling with... hmmm... interesting... now there's 5 of us... and we are evil... yah yah... how juvenile... but hey! in school, i'm 17... outside... i'm 22... urgh...
right... and last of all... i need energy food... or some energy booster... aisah's saying, "get raisins!" and hmmm... ok... i'll do that... oh-kay...

julung julung kalinya...

selamat menyambut hari raya haji/korban buat kaum muslimin muslimat sekalian...

for you that matter...

never too far a call away... reach out and hands will be there to receive you...

some chalet thingy...

ellyza... this is for you... so scandalous!


i know she doesn't want this photo to be seen... but hey... i wouldn't be me if i didn't do these kind of things huh? this is aisah cleaning up the table...

woohoo!!!

you people are in luck! it appears that i can post pictures again... hopefully it won't screw up again... enjoy...

and so this is what i did NYE...

and rained it did!


to the people in this picture... i know you want it... so just take it!

what a day... it rained and rained and rained some more... but the whole day turned out fine enough i guess... thank you aisah for the satay... my gratitude is eternal...

irritatingly enough...

life... life is humming along fine... although i am very apprehensive with the calmness of the situation... 2004 was sent away in the midst of close friends... thank you for your kind attendance... and now i am back in the clutches of school... how dreary... irritatingly... i can't seem to put up any pictures here for now beacuse the program i'm using is acting up... hope i'll get it figured out soon... other than that... well... i am supposed to be doing my painting right now... i am under the pretense that i am wating for it to dry... right... who am i kidding... so yah... i will get back to this soon... hopefully this weekend... ciao for now...